John Bluesky 𓅄
Just a peasant.
- Please enjoy this stock photo the local CBS affiliate chose for a story about traffic this summer
- I remember this, Ted Cruz being escorted to the airport so he could go to Cancún while his constituents suffered power outages.
- lol come on man. "No, I will not speak to you, but yes I will definitely continue going ham on you all day long about your girlfriend." How is this still a thing. May god have mercy on my soul.
- I'll bet Tim Onion isn't even your real name, Mr. Collins.
- When no one takes your bait, you have to do it yourself.
- Something IS happening.
- Would you consider a formal, legal, name change Mr Onion?
- it's because i'm beautiful and kind and talented and a comedic genius and also a regular genius
- I thought it was the cats. Sorry I was wrong.
- 1. As many people learned this morning, the National Park Service prohibits swimming and wading in the water in Rock Creek due to oil, heavy metals, pesticides, pet waste, and raw sewage in the water.
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View full thread4. The HHS Secretary who spreads dangerous lies about public health, swam in fecal water with his grandchildren.
- Let's hope for the best.
- Wowza! Take a look at this monster filament of plasma that just erupted off the Sun – gorgeous! The main eruption appears to be directed north, but modelling efforts will soon reveal if any part of it is heading towards Earth. #spaceweather #astronomy
- Spicy
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- 😐
- look at this cat
- He is a tiny storm cloud.
- i’m constantly saying this
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- The commas ran for their lives, leaving the rest of us to die.
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- Afraid of putting real name with image out there and hiding behind an avatar. Unmanly. Or, cowardly if female.
- Former pastor, statistically you have CSAM on your phone.
- Protesters against ICE in New York City are being led by Pikachu. NYC is awesome! 🤣
- That pokemon needs a pair of tasers.
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- I think I know how Will Stancil does it.
- City Planner Gets Halfway Through Designing City Before Realizing He’s Just Doing Philadelphia Again theonion.com/city-pl...
- Just make sure there's plenty of infrastructure to climb on.
- This is the best day of my life
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- Microplastics are forever
- Colorado Springs deputy district attorney & Mormon stake president David McConkie, who was arrested for the continuous rape of a child, has accepted a plea deal that will likely keep him from serving prison time. gazette.com/news/courts/...
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- Intensive supervised probation better be a round-the-clock neighborhood watch ready to shoot his dick off if he even looks at a child.
- Connecting the dots from his "autistic people don't contribute to society" speech and now tracking them via medical records and smartwatch data, boy I can't imagine why he'd need that information
- He's going to hit them with his car and then take them home to make a sandwich out of after he lets them sit for a few days.
- Literally five minutes apart.
- I hope he chokes on a big mac.
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- I want my daughters to launch my carcass into the sun. Or stage a mock trial like that one pope did to the other pope.
- This website rules so hard
- I'll bet you Lisa isn't a very good listener, always worried about having people to post at.
- BREAKING NEWS: White smoke streams from a chimney atop the Sistine Chapel, signaling to the world that a new pope has been selected.
- Do we know which cardinal gave birth to this new pope?
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- Would be great if that child's family could sue and get all that money away from her. I don't really hold my breath for justice anymore though.
- Don't let them lie to you, they're still buying it so they can get a rage boner and hategasm.
- Our port investigators caught these hazardous artificial light up flowers that violate Reese’s Law. If button cell or coin batteries are swallowed, the ingested batteries can cause serious injuries, including internal chemical burns, and death.
- Hell yeah, take 'em out USCPSC.
- Lady, she asked your mom, not you.
- If you have your turn signal on and you don't turn, your car should shock your balls.
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- I love it
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- If by live in caves you mean stuff their heads right up their own cavernous ass holes, then yep!
- The Washington Post wins two Pulitzer Prizes in breaking news reporting and illustrated reporting and commentary. Post reporters were also finalists in three categories, including national and international reporting as well as commentary. wapo.st/4mkkGkT
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View full threadThe Pulitzer Prize for illustrated reporting and commentary goes to @anntelnaes.bsky.social, for various works that appeared in The Washington Post. This is her third Pulitzer recognition.
- Tell your owner to turn over ownership to the workers.
- Autism: Myth Vs. Fact theonion.com/autism-...
- What flavor are these microchips
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- Dude so lazy it motivated him to bomb threats and murder.
- Lighten your work load with this one neat trick.
- 😞
- More abortions could have saved us from having to hear from this weirdo.
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- Arr matey 🏴☠️
- Minnesota state trooper Jeremy Plonski, who was arrested this week for producing child sexual abuse images, has now been charged with raping an infant. www.twincities.com/2025/05/02/s...
- Fucking hell
- Me, after I’ve had 2 Red Stripes and someone tells me not to say the word bitch:
- What is up with that sloth foot?
- Kennedy told reporters "There are many good ways to treat Measles," citing Vitamin A, budesonide (a steroid) and clarithromycin (an antibiotic). This advice will kill children. We have a proven, effective vaccine www.cbsnews.com/news/rfk-jr-...
- We need someone from the CDC to slip some ebola into his next glass of roadkill blood.
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- Which billionaire told them to change direction? I don't care, fuck them and fuck the new york times.
- Do not fall for the lies of c-suites. Not making enough money for endless growth goons is not “inherently unprofitable.” Media is very challenging, yes, but the vultures want you to believe these layoffs are inevitable and necessary.
- Child birth and other child rearing tasks are inherently unprofitable.
- We did this video NINE DAYS AGO. www.youtube.com/watch?v=N1v1...
- Sit down, God, The Onion is creating reality now.
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- Gotta hunt those street dogs that have been drinking from the chemical runoff stream.
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- Oh sweet delicious government regulation of "free" market predation.
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- Not violence or threats, this is self defense or defense of others. Case closed.
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- I think it was a wooden Russian puppet who wanted to transition into a real president.
- they're doing this to me tomorrow
- Congrats on your awetism
- 🙂↕️ forever and ever amen
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- I'm old, wasn't looking for a climb anyway.
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- These are the people that LLMs scrape content from.
- A calculator that costs 1 trillion dollars, but it’s also wrong
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View full threadAI is a tool. You can't hate a hammer or a screwdriver.
- It's not AI, it's not intelligent.
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- The solution to this is to distribute one of each model. Can never have enough carbon monoxide alarms.
- Watching The Terror on Netflix and by far the most horrifying thing is the fact that all of their canned food is filled with lead and most aren't even properly sealed. Capitalism remains the greatest threat to humanity and must be reigned in with vigorous government regulations.
