Early smoke emissions indicate a close race: Archbishop of São Salvador da Bahia was off to an early lead with his juggling and spinning plate act during the talent section. Soon thereafter the Apostolic Prefect of Ulaanbaatar surprised everyone with a strong showing in the swimsuit competition.
Trump has announced that he will send prisoners to Celtris III until they confess that they see 5 lights.
Trump has announced that he's reopening Shawshank and putting you in solitary confinement for calling him obtuse.
After planning to reopen Alcatraz, Trump announces that the Mayberry town jail will be reopened to house America's drunks.
REPORTER: President Trump looks healthier than ever before. I'm sure everybody in this room could agree. Is he working out with Bobby Kennedy and is he eating less McDonald's?
LEAVITT: I can confirm the president is in very good shape
You say tear-iff, I say tar-iff
Tear-iff! Tar-iff! Tear-iff! Tar-iff!
Let's call the whole thing off!
(No, they're on! They're off! Wait they're back on! They're off but not for China!)
🎶
Get ready for some new personal best numbers.
Hopefully Strom Thurmond took some time out of his busy schedule burning in hell to get the news that he was just beaten by a black man.
I spoke to an expert in authoritarianism, who explained to me that things like this are extremely meaningful and they help protect democracy, even if there’s not a straight line between this and actual legislating
Senator Cory Booker concludes his record-breaking Senate Floor speech after 25 hours
Massive applause for Booker
I’m back at
#teslatakedown here in Owings Mills, MD. This week I have a message for Elon. Please come out next time to fight this madness. You can find out where at
@teslatakedown.com
Calm down, everyone. Washington once accidently sent his plans to attack Cornwallis at Yorktown (replete with fist bump emojis) to reporter Bartholomew Quisling at the New-England Courant via carrier pigeon. It happens all the time.
This segment from
@maryannefranks.bsky.social is an incredibly tight argument that captures the breadth of the Trump assault on free speech perfectly and in less than a minute.
Spread it far and wide.
WOW. Watch a constitutional law expert completely DEBUNK Republicans’ censorship crusade, while articulating exactly how Donald Trump is threatening freedom of speech. 🔥
Donald, bring it. I’m so tired of your victimy whiney belly aching crap. You friggin won and you STILL are complaining all the time.
BRING IT YOU SMALL LITTLE BOY
