*coffin shuts* Mike Breen: BANG!!!!

Wait, did he steal one of your AI generated businesses for dipshits?

I’m so tired

-Buy Shaq's General insurance -Die under Russell's funeral service

He wasn’t kidding!

"There's something really off about this viewing." "I think it's there are four coffins, and grandma isn't in any of them. Also, the priest is dressed like a rabbi, but somehow also still dressed like a priest." "Yeah, that might be it."

He’s stealing your bit!

This Saturday night on The Corncob Network!!!

Madlibs Ass Headline

The AI is the least insane part of this

This has to be a liability. Why on earth would anyone want Russell Westbrook to help plan your funeral on any level?

Sounds like an excellent AI-generated murder mystery.

Chat GPT: Pretend you're a media outlet. Make the most bonkers mad lib possible.

At no time during reading that post could I predict the next word

Star is a stretch. An average player with a few car dealerships more like.

obsequy! we talking bout obsequy?

This is gonna make Andre Dawson SO mad.

I'll get on board when I see Bol Bol is on board.

I feel like this was queued up already for 8kbfd. You’ve been robbed.

This is not a combination of words that should be taken seriously, and yet here it is.

No, "just let me die now" wasn't a VC shareholder meeting pitch

westbrook you gotta focus on the thunder rn, you don’t have time for this 😭

Why can’t we just have an energy drink endorsement

If I found out nobody cared or knew enough about me to plan my funeral properly I'd die all over again

Can't wait to see a funeral that looks like that Willy Wonka Experience event in the U.K.! I might actually pay for that.

"Yeah, sorry mate, the AI says you're dead now, don't it? Hop in the coffin, let's be off with you." In my mind it's British people using this, because they are likely to go along with it rather than start a fuss.

"Running out your clock? Don't despair: Our Most Visionary Planner option and other streamlined packages can help you give your loved ones an assist even after the Coach has pulled you from the game." If there's no basketball-themed marketing and funerals, I'm gonna be disappointed.

he's still playing huh

"The AI said you're dying" "I'm not!" "The AI is never wrong, you've got three days" "I'm healthy!" *menacingly* "Three days"

He needs to step up his game at dystopia

wait wut

Segment of the Commercial [Russell winks.] “Because even when the clock runs out, you deserve a legendary send-off.” [Cut to Russell throwing down a dunk in slow motion, then standing by a sign that reads: ‘Plan your funeral today.’]

Yahoo Serious Film Festival!