Man, the red flags were present when she tried "reclaiming" the R-slur.

see i understand reclaiming it, i do it in private, but she flat up claims it's not a slur. which is very upsetting

I mean a lot if slurs started out as "not being slurs" but the context of what groups of people used them, mainly those in power, made them into slurs. It depends on how that slur is used and the history behind it that dictates if it should ever be reclaimed. The R-word ain't it.