Not to take an opportunity to dig at my employer here but because of their culture of group think and underfunded systems, they’re forced to hire smarter and more educated people every year just to get around them. But those people come with intelligence and experience that begs to be heard.

I have always, from day One, been the squeak wheel when my employer takes advantage or favors. I’ve always been a champion of diversity. So when I stay, I have to then ask, is my continued presence being used—implicitly or explicitly—to suggest the institution is still morally acceptable?

Staying costs. We forget that a hostile environment can erode energy, clarity, and moral confidence. I was constantly suppressing my values to survive. The toll become unsustainable. I was also lying to myself that my values lined up with the institutions just to get myself to work.

At some point the thought occurred to me to leave. I remembered out of nowhere that I didn’t have to stay so I asked, “Am I staying for what I can still do, or because of fear, guilt, or habit?” I was numb and could no longer speak honestly.