Lily🥀 Read Bloodbound
Queer SFFH writer, disabled, and unidentifiable. 29. They/them. Read Bloodbound: alilyflower.itch.io/bloodbound-part-one
Mask Up. Covid is not over.
- Me: having a several-day long medical emergency Also me: oh god Im not writing
-
View full threadYeah, I sometimes push myself harder than I should because I'm so scared that I've run out of "good days" and I NEED to at least write X, Y, and Z books before I can't anymore / before I die. Absolutely a whole mood.
- Yea exactly. Its such a tightrope to walk and I want us all to have all of the time for all of the good things including our art
- The more I lose, the more I feel it. Yeah 😔 it’s really hard to reckon with the loss
- For realllll
- and its really hard to not mourn the person you used to be, how you used to be able to do x or y bc things hadnt gotten so bad. but like. Fuck! Cant do shit about it, since i am awful at motivating myself with spite. but yeah i. Feel u.
- all my spite goes toward mutual aid stuff lol. I gotta find somethin else for writing
- its really hard bc— idk about you — but ive found myself surrounded by very kind ppl who say things like, ‘your self worth doesnt need to be tied to ur productivity!’ And thats true and very sweet, but like. If i dont get this (dssthres at internal Story Shelf) out there i will never forgive myself
- For sure. It is also something I say to literally everyone and would never hold anyone to the standards I hold myself to because that would be cruel
- for real though, there is a like such a potent combo of frustration and greif and fear about it that I feel like we have to wade through and come to terms with I guess
- it sure doesnt make me create more lol
- genuinely, yeah. My chronic issues more manageable than most, but i know i won’t be lucky forever. Its so fucking frustrating and scary and it makes me want to explode.
- No baby clock, but a fuckin art clock
- Im fine lol
- and by fine I mean not at risk of dying or whatever. I dunno where the bar is lol
- I have a genuine fear of never getting the stories out there that I want to tell before I like die or can't do art anymore (although I hope I can as long as Im alive). And like that pressure is sometimes very intense
- I imagine other disabled people have like felt this?
