Conspiracy Cosmos
Real rumors, for real. Really.
- BREAKING: Super-Duper #Bullshit Detector Shuts Down Entire Capitol Building, #House and #Senate on Permanent #Lockdown. #funky #politics #dc #corruption
- Volodymyr #Zelenskyy, Wife Throw Private Pre-Farewell #Party While Planning "Beautifully Perfect" Face-Saving Exit Strategy. #war #ukraine #russia #corruption #drugs #scarface #cocaine
- Joe #Biden Calls White House, Leaves Message That He "Plum Forgot" That He "Left a Little Package Somewhere" Which "Weighs About a #Kilo" and That Son "Hunter Will Pick It Up." No Comment From Current or Former Presidents' Spokespeople. #cokeandasmile #justsayno
- "Retired" World Economic Forum Bald-Head Klaus Schwab Vows to Destroy the World "Many, Many Times Over" With His New Organization, The World Destruction Forum. #WEF #evil #covid #scandal
- #Trump Upset That Elon #Musk Didn't Explain "White Genocide" in #Afrikaans Means "White Trash." #whitetrash #whitegenocide #SouthAfrica #racism #illegals #usa #afrikaner #invasion
- Political Analyst and Former #UN Weapons Inspector Scott Ritter Released From #Hospital After Overdosing On Diet #Coke, Blames #Internet #Trolls for "Gulp-a-Thon." #russia #ukraine #revolution #gaza #trump
- BREAKING: King Charles to Identify as a Queen in Desperate Attempt to Stop Prostate #Cancer. #Israel #PM #Netanyahu Considering Same. #royals #health #men #trans
- Sean Combs' Defense Attorney Argues Sex Activities Were Done by "Puffy" and "Puff Daddy," Not #Diddy, Victim of "Mistaken Identity." New Album "Ready to Lie" Out Now Exclusively in #Brooklyn and #Bronx Bodegas.
- New #Pope #Leo XIV Promises to Seek Planetary #Peace on Mars "Immediately" After the Extermination of its Native Population "Like We Usually Do." #religion #aliens #musk
- #Trump Responds to Angered, "Devastated" #MAGA Cries of "Betrayal" and "Buyer's Remorse": "You Shoulda Voted for #Kanye, Niggas."
- SPECIAL REPORT: #Trump, #Melania Welcome #LGBT Contingent of #MAGA to White House, Anoints Them #FAGA, Gives Then Their Own Closet in the West Wing. #politics #sex
- LEAKED: #Putin Seriously Considering "All-Out Nuclear #War" With #America Just to Shut "Crazy-Ass Kookoo" #Trump Up. "It's Almost Worth It Just for That," Says Russian Leader. #nukes #veday
- JD #Vance Planning On Visiting New #Pope #Leo XIV ASAP in Hopes of Another "Coincidental" #Death Like Francis'. #politics #religion #assassination
- Keesler Air Force Base #Shooter Identified as Nick Fuentes, or Stew Peters, or Both.
- EXCLUSIVE: Barbara Streisand #Pimp Slapped "Hissy-Fitting" Mariah Carey Back Into Recording Studio to Finish New Song After Former Mrs. Cannon "Whined and Screamed" That Her #Champagne Bottle "Wasn't Properly Chilled." No Comment From Either Camp at Press Time. #music #diva #bitchy
- INSIDER: Little Marco #Rubio Praying That Next #Pope Will Make Him "Big Marco" Before #Christmas. #politics #religion #catholicism #mafia
- Real ID Required to Play #Monopoly, Effective Immediately. #Chess, #Checkers, and #Poker to Follow. #realid #government #constitution #patriotact #games #bravenewworld #orwell1984
- #Trump to Drop #Hollywood #Tariffs After Being Promised Lead in Gone With the Wind Sequel, "Don With the Wind." #movies #politics
- #Fashion World Still in Huge Denial that Anna Wintour Herself IS, WAS, and ALWAYS WILL BE a Wardrobe Malfunction. #metgala #snooty #fugly #dei #badtaste #vogue @teenvogue.com
- INSIDER: According to #Billionaire Bill Gates, Missing Migrant #Children "Taste Just Like #Chicken" and Would Be an "Excellent Replacement Source of #Protein" for the Upcoming #Meat Shortage. #sextrafficking #food #immigration #soylentgreen #epsteinfiiles @gatesfoundation.bsky.social #cannibals
- STUDY: Two-Out-of-Five #White #Christians Are Closet #Islamic Jihadi Extremist #Terrorists In Denial, Speaking Fluent #Arabic Unconsciously In Their #Dreams. #religion #inquisition
- #Trump Promises to Make #Alcatraz "One of the Most Beautiful #Prisons in the World" and "the #Riviera of San Francisco Bay." #realestate #gaza
- Secretary of Defense Pete #Hegseth Forming All-Star Band Called #Houthi and the Blowhards, With Marco #Rubio Playing Lead Jug. #politics #yemen #war #music @secdef.govpeeps.us
- Hillary Clinton's Change in Appearance Due to Plastic Surgeon Mistaking Her #Ass for Her Face, or Vice Versa. Follow-Up Appointment Cancelled After Hubby Bill Clinton Sexually Harassed Threes Nurses and a Receptionist. #niptuck #slickwillie @hillaryclinton.bsky.social @clintonfoundation.bsky.social
- #Trump #Ukraine Envoy Keith #Kellog Threatens Anyone Who Makes "One More Goddamn Corn Flake Joke" Within Earshot "Won't See #Breakfast Tomorrow."
- BREAKING: Congresswoman Maxine Waters' Wig Quits After Failed Salary Negotiations Miss Agreeable Price "by a #Hair." #politics #money #irreconcilabledifferences #beautysecrets #granny
- Ousted National Security Adviser Mike Waltz Changes Surname to #Polka Just in Time for #US Ambassador to #UN Nomination. In Related #News, Ex-#CNN Anchor Don Lemon Changes His Name to Lime to Deflect Accusations of Being "Too Sweet." #signalgate #politics #dei @cnn.com @donlemonofficial.bsky.social
- BREAKING: Heard and McDonald Islands Declare #War on #USA, Call #Trump a "Son of a Fish" and to "Bring It On" for "Winner Takes All" Fight "Down to the Last Waddling Penguin." SeaWorld on High Alert for Aquatic Uprisings. #tariffs @heardislandgov.bsky.social
- Kanye West Rejected by Crumbling #Ukraine #Army at Recruitment Station "for Obvious Reasons" During Ye's Launch of His "Niggas for #Nazis" Campaign. #war #hiphop #music @yebrasil.bsky.social
- Former #UK #PM Boris "Boar's Head" Johnson Hires Headless, Quadruple Amputee as #Hairdresser in Symbolic Gesture of Solidarity with the #Handicapped. #Scandal Predicted to Erupt in Two Days. #hair #britshit
- Tammy Bruce Congratulated by #Trump, #Rubio for Finally Figuring Out How to Look Out at Press Corp Audience and Not Stare at Laptop for the Entirety of State Department Briefings in Order to Appear More Competent Than She Actually Is. New Eyeliner Being Considered. #fox #women #dei #politics #usa
- McDonalds to Accept #Sex as Payment to "Help Our Loyal Customers During These Financially Difficult Times." Happy Meal Purchasers to Receive Preferential Treatment. #KFC, Wendy's, and Chic-Fil-A Also Considering Option. #haveityourway #food @mcdonaldsjp.bsky.social
- LEAKED: Massive Turd Dropped by Almighty God Misses Hitting #Pope #Funeral and Lands in #Mediterranean Sea, World Leaders' Lives Spared by Lucifer. #politics #religion #shit
- Accused #Insurance CEO Killer Luigi Mangione to Star in #Godfather IV, V, and VI with Francis Ford Coppola Directing All-Inmate Cast at Jail Locations. Trumpeter Chuck Mangione to Compose #Music Score. #movies #thatsmyboy #crime
- First #US #President, George Washington, in Official White House Séance, Demands to be Taken Off $1 Bill Before Monetary #Collapse. #depression #endthefed #money #finance #treasury #ghost #spooky
- Bernie Sanders "Goose-Bumped and Pumped" to #Fuck Blind Masses Over Again Along with #AOC. #foolmeonce #politics #elections #oligarchy #con #tour @sanders.senate.gov @aoc.bsky.social
- #Trump Mistakes Shri Thanedar for Vivek Ramaswamy for Twelfth Time in a Day, Shrugs it Off and Summons #ICE to Deport Both So He "Won't Get Fooled Again." #ILLEGALS #ILLEGALimmigrants #samedifference #Deportes
- #Prince Andrew Thanks "Good Old Reliable Dad" #King Charles for the "Assist" in #Epstein #Sex Scandal Accuser Virginia Giuffre's Quote-Unquote #Suicide. #royals
- #Hillbilly #Killer, #US #VP JD #Vance Behind #India #Terrorist Attack After Assassinating #Pope as He Continues Worldwide #Murder Spree.
- Shannon Sharpe Immediately Inducted Into The Dumb #Sports Jock Hall of Fame®© After #Emergency #Vote. Stephen A. Smith Reportedly "Extremely Jealous." #sex #kryptonite #nasty
- #Study: New York Times used more for #fish wrap, #bird cage lining and #canine toilet paper than #reading. #NYT #funfacts @nytimes.com
- #BREAKINGNEWS: #Pope Francis Rejected by #Heaven and #Hell, Will Remain in Purgatory Indefinitely. Lucifer: "Get That Motherfucker Outta Here!"
- EXCLUSIVE: #Pope Francis "Pissed" That #Gay #Sex Not Allowed in Heaven. "I Was Going to Hell Anyway, But Still." #Butt
- EXCLUSIVE: Katy Perry Lip-Synched Her Way Through Blue Origin #Space Flight.
- Nick Fuentes Revealed as Actual FSU gunman.
