Who called them sea monkeys when shrimpanzees was right there?
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A turducken,
but it’s croissant, bear claw, cinnamon roll.
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My sword is sharp, but my pen is sharpie-er.
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Crap, I forgot why I came in here.
Boss: This is where you work.
Just got myself a clickety clack keyboard and I wish you knew how good this post sounds.
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My kid just named his inhaler: Vlad.
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Easter is on 4/20.
Stoners are eggcited.
Life is the quicksand they warned us about as kids.
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Two more days till Jesus lays the eggs we need to find.
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Every time I get up my dog acts like he woke up late for work.
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Therapist: When they’re talking, just focus on them and what they’re saying.
Me: OK, I just posted what you said.
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